I thought he was likeable, just that we're only seeing his hard outer shell and from my writer/reading perspective, he "can't stay" that way forever! For better or for worse, haha. I thought it was fine that we didn't see Elias or Cas-shya there, since there's no reason established for Lys to think about either of them. I really am looking forward to reading more 😁 (I'm still learning to carve out time for reading)
Thats really interesting that you didn't mind so much the sudden shift to yet another new character. I have been fiercely debating with myself whether to stick to a chapter by chapter first person pov, or have chapters more like other stories that allow the pov to drift with breaks in the text, and usually stick to 3rd person omniscient.
Still so much to consider.
But yes, Lysander I think is going to be one of my more interesting character arcs. I can say that I think we will see him really break open that hard shell and do the work... But it might be a rough process and I think as a character he will be quite ambiguous as to his good or bad sides. He is one of the characters I'm most excited to write as a complex challenge.
I love what you're doing with the POV breaks so far! I think part of why I'm okay with jumping so to a third one so soon is because a) we were introduced to his existence already and b) the last chapter focused on both of our two existing POV characters, instead of breaking away like this one did. And I'm excited to see his journey!
This chapter is lacking in warmth compared to the last two, but I have hope that the promise I sensed in the last three means he, too, will find healing throughout the story. Maybe I'm just tired but I had a bit of a hard time following with all the philosophical + technical jargon, and then wondering if his internal reaction should be more visceral considering the history that's hinted at?
Hey, I totally get what you mean. I had sensed the same thing which is what started this potential re-write.
There are three main things to address here I think.
I need to make Lys more likeable (or unlikeable).
I am bouncing about too much, where have Elias and Cas’shya gone?
There is a bit too much info-dumping rather than showing. I wan’t to feel Lys, even if I don’t know why he is feeling that way yet.
So I think your feedback is spot on, and I am hoping that the re-write will address this. I appreciate you taking the time to read it though, even if it was a bit more dry and ‘full’.
Oo I love where his storyline is going. And as for the pairing, you were spot on again with the cab sav. I would have also thought something like a nice sipping whiskey would be appropriate too. Can’t wait to continue!
Oooh, a sipping whiskey is a great shout. Maybe something like a good Irish whiskey, smooth and clean but with depth. Something like the Teeling small batch. I am glad the Cab Sav worked out. How was it? I have not tried one in such a long time. I always love when Cab Sav gets that balance of having the nice blackcurrant flavour, but with some herbal notes too, like mint or eucalyptus.
As for the story, I am curious to ask about something thats been on my mind. The first three chapters introduce a lot of characters quite quickly, and im concerned that the promise of chapter 1 (how will Elias deal with abandoning his family) is not returned to quick enough? Has that bothered you yet?
Wow cabs are my go-to! I have 3 more Cabernet Sauvignon’s and one franc on my shelf now. But I suppose it’s easier to come by regional wines where you are, rather than single grape types? I don’t know much about wine in general but even less outside the US.
Your question is interesting because I actually frequently get annoyed with switching POVs in novels. There’s always that one you want to get back to, or the one that you want to skip over. I think you’ve done really well at least so far in giving us a lot of really interesting world building that it’s not as urgent to get back to any one character. It also helps that we see Elias again from a different perspective. It’s not like you just dropped him and continued with irrelevant storylines or something you know?
The only constructive feedback I have is that the chapters have been pretty lengthy and a lot of information is thrown at the reader really quickly. I would think about spreading it out some (like maybe cutting some of orions speech) or at least make sure to repeat the especially important parts later on in the book, since it’s a lot for the reader to take in and retain. I know I am guilty of writing something once and assuming the reader will remember it forever, which just isn’t the case lol
This is fantastic feedback. I do read back those earlier chapters now and cringe a bit at how info dumpy they are, and Orian’s speech is a great example. I think I will have to take a long look at it in the near future. I am in an ongoing spring clean of the story anyway, so I will definitely carry this feedback into the next tidy up session.
I do feel the same. I think the only book that has managed to pull off the multi-POV thing was ‘The way of kings’ by Brandon Sanderson. And even then, I found myself craving certain storylines more than others.
I do think there is work to do here to weave the major threads in a little more throughout, but without making it forced.
I will absolutely take a look at this, and I really appreciate the feedback more generally. If you ever have anything else like this, please do share as I am keen to grow and make the book the best it can be. I definitely believe that takes a community to achieve.
Thank you, its going to be a really interesting story to tell. I have it mapped out for the whole story, and it goes to places I wasn't originally expecting. Hopefully people will find it to be quite emotional.
Hehehe I am excited because I very intentionally seeded a lot of stuff in this chapter but hid it amongst more apparent themes.
Lys is an interesting character for me because he really is nothing like me. I found it surprisingly hard to get in his head. I had to sort of image what PTSD Marcus Aurelius (before he got emotional) might be like. Super stoic.
But yes, I am excited now that these three chapters have planted the seeds of some of the broader strokes, to begin showing how these characters might interact.
Haha I just got on my train for my morning commute into London. An hour of Substack immersion awaits.
I am curious if I can make him appealing, if not likeable. I have a character in mind from a TV show, someone who is very frustrating and objectively a bad person at times, but who is so enjoyable to watch.
I thought he was likeable, just that we're only seeing his hard outer shell and from my writer/reading perspective, he "can't stay" that way forever! For better or for worse, haha. I thought it was fine that we didn't see Elias or Cas-shya there, since there's no reason established for Lys to think about either of them. I really am looking forward to reading more 😁 (I'm still learning to carve out time for reading)
Thats really interesting that you didn't mind so much the sudden shift to yet another new character. I have been fiercely debating with myself whether to stick to a chapter by chapter first person pov, or have chapters more like other stories that allow the pov to drift with breaks in the text, and usually stick to 3rd person omniscient.
Still so much to consider.
But yes, Lysander I think is going to be one of my more interesting character arcs. I can say that I think we will see him really break open that hard shell and do the work... But it might be a rough process and I think as a character he will be quite ambiguous as to his good or bad sides. He is one of the characters I'm most excited to write as a complex challenge.
I love what you're doing with the POV breaks so far! I think part of why I'm okay with jumping so to a third one so soon is because a) we were introduced to his existence already and b) the last chapter focused on both of our two existing POV characters, instead of breaking away like this one did. And I'm excited to see his journey!
This chapter is lacking in warmth compared to the last two, but I have hope that the promise I sensed in the last three means he, too, will find healing throughout the story. Maybe I'm just tired but I had a bit of a hard time following with all the philosophical + technical jargon, and then wondering if his internal reaction should be more visceral considering the history that's hinted at?
Hey, I totally get what you mean. I had sensed the same thing which is what started this potential re-write.
There are three main things to address here I think.
I need to make Lys more likeable (or unlikeable).
I am bouncing about too much, where have Elias and Cas’shya gone?
There is a bit too much info-dumping rather than showing. I wan’t to feel Lys, even if I don’t know why he is feeling that way yet.
So I think your feedback is spot on, and I am hoping that the re-write will address this. I appreciate you taking the time to read it though, even if it was a bit more dry and ‘full’.
Oo I love where his storyline is going. And as for the pairing, you were spot on again with the cab sav. I would have also thought something like a nice sipping whiskey would be appropriate too. Can’t wait to continue!
Oooh, a sipping whiskey is a great shout. Maybe something like a good Irish whiskey, smooth and clean but with depth. Something like the Teeling small batch. I am glad the Cab Sav worked out. How was it? I have not tried one in such a long time. I always love when Cab Sav gets that balance of having the nice blackcurrant flavour, but with some herbal notes too, like mint or eucalyptus.
As for the story, I am curious to ask about something thats been on my mind. The first three chapters introduce a lot of characters quite quickly, and im concerned that the promise of chapter 1 (how will Elias deal with abandoning his family) is not returned to quick enough? Has that bothered you yet?
Wow cabs are my go-to! I have 3 more Cabernet Sauvignon’s and one franc on my shelf now. But I suppose it’s easier to come by regional wines where you are, rather than single grape types? I don’t know much about wine in general but even less outside the US.
Your question is interesting because I actually frequently get annoyed with switching POVs in novels. There’s always that one you want to get back to, or the one that you want to skip over. I think you’ve done really well at least so far in giving us a lot of really interesting world building that it’s not as urgent to get back to any one character. It also helps that we see Elias again from a different perspective. It’s not like you just dropped him and continued with irrelevant storylines or something you know?
The only constructive feedback I have is that the chapters have been pretty lengthy and a lot of information is thrown at the reader really quickly. I would think about spreading it out some (like maybe cutting some of orions speech) or at least make sure to repeat the especially important parts later on in the book, since it’s a lot for the reader to take in and retain. I know I am guilty of writing something once and assuming the reader will remember it forever, which just isn’t the case lol
This is fantastic feedback. I do read back those earlier chapters now and cringe a bit at how info dumpy they are, and Orian’s speech is a great example. I think I will have to take a long look at it in the near future. I am in an ongoing spring clean of the story anyway, so I will definitely carry this feedback into the next tidy up session.
I do feel the same. I think the only book that has managed to pull off the multi-POV thing was ‘The way of kings’ by Brandon Sanderson. And even then, I found myself craving certain storylines more than others.
I do think there is work to do here to weave the major threads in a little more throughout, but without making it forced.
I will absolutely take a look at this, and I really appreciate the feedback more generally. If you ever have anything else like this, please do share as I am keen to grow and make the book the best it can be. I definitely believe that takes a community to achieve.
“What, precisely, are they supposed to do when a bulkhead is breached? Out-twitch the shrapnel?”
Rude 😒
What would be the word for racism against rabbits?
Evil 😤
Fascinating. The 'god in the machine' concept is a fascinating algoritm.
Thank you, its going to be a really interesting story to tell. I have it mapped out for the whole story, and it goes to places I wasn't originally expecting. Hopefully people will find it to be quite emotional.
As for me. I will not say which way I side. But that simply that there is a lot more going on with these AGI's.
Hehehe I am excited because I very intentionally seeded a lot of stuff in this chapter but hid it amongst more apparent themes.
Lys is an interesting character for me because he really is nothing like me. I found it surprisingly hard to get in his head. I had to sort of image what PTSD Marcus Aurelius (before he got emotional) might be like. Super stoic.
But yes, I am excited now that these three chapters have planted the seeds of some of the broader strokes, to begin showing how these characters might interact.
Haha I just got on my train for my morning commute into London. An hour of Substack immersion awaits.
I am curious if I can make him appealing, if not likeable. I have a character in mind from a TV show, someone who is very frustrating and objectively a bad person at times, but who is so enjoyable to watch.
As for what he is hiding from... Yeah 😉